Vast

Job 38:16

The ocean to me, has always been a favorite. While going into the ocean isn't as fun as it used to be-staring at the waves from the shore still brings me joy, and a peace. What is it about the sound of the waves, that just clears the mind, and makes breathing easier? My favorite thing, in almost all of ever, is being at the beach at night. For a couple of reasons. One, being that the sun is not this red-headed, freckled girl's friend. Second, being the quiet, the still that doesn't exist during the day. Depending on the beach, sometimes at night too...(I'm looking at you HB!)

I love talking to Jesus during those moments. The moon is lighting up the ocean,and  the waves are crashing with consistency. I think what blows my mind beyond all else, is how huge the ocean is. It's vastness, the parts that are unknown, and un-reachable, it's scary and it's crazy beautiful. 

Job chapter 38 is my favorite chapter in the Bible. It is titled (In my ESV), "The Lord answers Job". So many times it has been extremely applicable to where I've been in life. In my doubting, in chaos, in wondering what is going to happen next, when I don't feel like letting go of control. 

In verse 16, the Lord's like-listen up Job. Stop listeing to your "friends" and your wife. (They're the worst) I've been where you've never been, done things you will never have the ability to do. 

I'VE GOT THIS. 

TRUST ME.

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

He's capable of so much more than we give Him credit for. Don't put God in a box. Don't underestimate His power, or how far he will go/has gone to prove His greatness, and His love for you. 

If you're at a chapter in your life, where you don't feel like God is present, or is even CAPABLE of doing what your heart needs, because of where you've been or what you've done? I highly recommend reading this chapter of Job, but first get on your face. Ask Him to reveal parts of His plan for you, SEEK HIM. 

Our God controls the movements of the waves, He commands the morning, and puts dawn in it's place. He gives wisdom, and understanding to the mind. He numbers the clouds. 

GUYS. He is capable of EVERYTHING.

He has good/great/perfect reasons for doing what He has done/is doing/is going to do.

NOTHING is a surprise to Him. He knew/knows what was/is coming, and He has a plan.

Roll with the punches.

He's got this.

I love you guys!

Magdalene

Thankfully,Yours.

Looking back into the past year, I would like to believe that I was more aware of how ungrateful I was being. I stopped complaining, and started appreciating. I became more aware of the people in my life, and how much them being IN my life alone, meant to me. I became more aware of the feeling of contentment, because I always had food to eat. I became more aware of the roof looming over my head, while I slept in my oh-so-comfortable bed, under my down comforter, with my head on my down pillow. I have so many people in my corner in life-so many people who want the best for me, want me to succeed, want to read more of what I write, want my opinion, want my hugs, want my time. What did I do to deserve any of those things? I was born? I didn't even have anything to do with that! The fact of the matter is that I do NOT deserve any of those things (Also...while I was typing 'deserve' Beyonce was singing it in my ears "Best Thing I Never Had"...I felt like I was in a movie...ANYWAYS...) I wake up thankful to be alive every morning. I am thankful that I can swing my legs off of my bed, and stand on my own two feet. I am thankful for the running water I use to wash my face and brush my teeth. I am thankful for the clothing I own, that I paid for with my own money, that I worked hard for, at the job I have had for 10 years and am so thankful for. I am thankful for the overpriced coffee I can afford to buy and drink several times a week. I am thankful for the words that are often shared with my friends over those cups of Iced Vanilla Chai (With Soy). I am thankful for Ekklesia, the High School Ministry at my church, that I have been a part of for 7 years on Monday! I am thankful for the people I serve with, and have served with. I am thankful for moments. Thankful for memories. Thankful for laughing. Thankful for songs that make me dance when I'm in public (I'm writing this at Barnes & Noble and Chris Jamison's (The Voice) version of Ed Sheeran's "Don't" came on, and I definitely was grooving and just like whatever..shoulder shrug..I dont care..)

All of those things make my heart happy.
They don't define me by any means, but they definitely bless me.
What defines me? My Savior. He does.
He not only gives me a map of the windy roads in life, but He walks it with me.
He not only stood at the door of my heart, and knocked, but He wanted to be invited in. I did, and I do.
He not only wanted to spend eternity with me, but He died an awful death so that I could.
I am so incredibly beyond thankful, but I am so undeserving of such grace.
I don't understand, and I won't until I'm seeing Him face to face.

I wish I had answers for the people that are hurting.  I wish I could do more than attempt to relate His love to them. I wish I could show their heart what my heart feels, when the Lord whispers in His still small voice words of love, and peace. I wish they could see themselves through my Savior's eyes. I'm thankful that the Lord is willing to use me to be His hands and feet to attempt such fete's.

Let's remember this upcoming holiday, not only the huge things we have to be thankful for, but the small little details in our lives, that we don't even think to be thankful for. As a typical Thanksgiving blog closing-Let's remember not only 2 weeks from today, what we're being thankful for, but EVERY DAY.

I'm thankful for YOU!
<3

To love at all...

To guard your heart, but keep it vulnerable to emotions is no easy task. It IS necessary and crucial to enjoy life though. We have all heard the quotes about needing to experience the: awful/ugly/broken/pain to experience the wonderful/beautiful/whole/joy.

 

At this point in my life-28 years old, I've had my heart hurt. It's never been broken due to any guy or any relationship. When my brother passed away-my heart, my world, my sense of normalcy shattered. 

Like I said: I've never had my heart broken, but it's been bruised. For a long time the fear of rejection really halted my pursuits or attempts to even try. I've learned that there is sweetness and a story in the struggle.

I've been down but I am not out. I am clinging to Jesus, His promises and the hope that they give me. His love is relentless, His grace unwavering, His patience astounding, and I am beyond thankful to be on the receiving end of those things.

We compare our lives to stories. We talk about how God has written these epic tales that are full of life, and that we are just in the early chapters. I can't wait to watch my life unfold. Some of the characters I am just getting to know (& hopefully continue getting to know), some are so dear to my heart. Some of the places I would like to leave, revisit or stay forever-where will the Lord's will take me? 

I am not walking by sight through my story, but completely by faith. I will not compare myself to the world's standard of beauty, but I will constantly remind myself that I am made in God's image for His glory. 

All of our paths up until this point have led us to where we are, as who we are, with the people God has chosen to be with us. 

Keep your hearts safe, but don't be afraid to let it feel or to let it love.

Xoxo,

Magdalene

Count it all

When we learn a hard, but valuable lesson, our general first instinct is (a) The option WITHOUT Jesus-which is just plain surviving, or (b) The option WITH Jesus. You cling to Him- You take deep breaths, you cry, you laugh, and you get excited. His purposes are SO far above ours you guys! NOTHING that He has us endure is in vain. It is ALL intentional. It is ALL for a reason. When things are done to us, against us, etc; How cool is it to know that God knew the strength of our heart, and knew that we would be able to handle the trials that He was about to allow. 

My heart rejoices still in the midst of suffering, because my God is greater, and stronger, and loves me beyond what I will ever be able to comprehend. I will never ask again WHY God is allowing something to happen-because I know if I am patient, and allow my life to play out according to God's will-any question I ever have/have ever had, I know will be answered. I'm a huge believer in the fact that God also allows us to go through things, so that we might be abe to share our experiences with others. It's the coolest to experience God's joy after a storm. To experience the burden's lifted, and replaced with an overwhelming sense of love, and belonging. Nothing is too big, too small, too anything. HE IS BIGGER than any of your tricky situations, your heartaches, your grieving. 

A couple of nights after I wrote those first two paragraphs, my friends and I spent some time reading God's word. We didn't have a set book of the Bible in mind-but we decided on James. Chapter one is SO applicable to what I had written the blog about-my heart felt like James had been written for me. The verses about counting it all joy, and putting on steadfastness/asking God for wisdom and WAITING for it. Jesus meets us where we are at and reveals His truths and answers EXACTLY when we need to hear them. WHAT A SAVIOR.

she laughs at the time to come

Strength: The quality or state of being strong, the emotional or mental qualities necessary in dealing with situations or events that are distressing or difficult. 

Dignity: The state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.

Both are BIG character shoes to fill. How does one become strong, without first being weak? How does someone become dignified without first being UN-dignified?

JESUS. ACCOUNTABILITY. LOTS AND LOTS OF GRACE. 

Strength comes from first being made weak. It comes from being broken. It comes from experience. "Sometimes you have to shatter, before you can heal." -Elenowen 

There is such a difference in character, when you look at someone who has been broken,made weak, experienced life WITHOUT Jesus, than someone who has done all of those things WITH Jesus. A HUGE difference. 

Dignity. To be worthy of honor & respect. Should we not be viewing ourselves ALREADY as dignified? Should we not view ourselves as Christ already views us? As noble and worth far above rubies? We are daughters of THE MOST HIGH KING. We MUST view ourselves as valuable and worth the best, if we expect others to do the same. 

She laughs at the time to come/without fear of the future.

I rarely laugh without fear of the future, somewhere in the back of my mind. 

Maybe not FEAR of the future, but I am definitely skeptical to put one foot in front of the other if I am unaware of where my steps will lead. We are called to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." 

(Proverbs 3:5-6)// I also read a quote that I can't find the original source of, but it said something along the lines of: "Faith is stretching out your hands, and being willing to be lead somewhere you'd rather not go." I probably butchered that, but the message is so crucial, and something that I am constantly sharing. 

I don't have it all figured out, but God does.

Sometimes the idea of being made weak scares me, but I want to be strong.

I think of myself as if I am not enough, but Jesus meets me where I am, because I am enough. 

You're going to fail. You're going to have insanely hard trials. You're going to have someone belittle you and treat you as if you're less than. 

You're going to fail so that you can succeed, and God can use you to guide others away from the mistakes that you've made. 

You're going to have trials, for the same reason. 

You're going to have people treat you like you're not valuable, but they are LIARS. 

God made you in HIS IMAGE, for HIS PURPOSES.

Don't be afraid to dream big, and takes steps that God is leading you to take.

He has gone before you. He knows.

Louder than a whisper, but quiet still.

Isn't it amazing that we have the ability, the privilege to hear from the Maker of the heavens & of the earth? That his voice can sometimes be audible, & sometimes it's just a burden on your heart to move in the direction that He would have us to go in? I've talked before about The Lord instructing me to "Be still", and lately I have been maybe avoiding (more than forgetting to) doing that. I've been trying to guess what The Lord has for me in the next chapter instead of trusting Jesus & just being along for the ride. I've been gambling with my emotions and placing bets that could definitely do damage, if what I'm betting (all in) on isn't in the cards for me. 

I'm learning (and sometimes it's a struggle to accept #transparent) that the future is not (at all) up to me. I'm walking the path that The Lord has charted or me before I was even a thought. 

My story has already been written. There is no changing the outcome. It's along the lines of reading a book by my favorite author (&He is...He really is.) and trusting that I'm going to enjoy the characters,situations, the peaks, and the ending. 

BUT on occasions when we have questions, and life seems to be filled with unknown after unknown-we want/pray for spoilers. We ask God to reveal His plans WAY ahead of His perfect schedule, due to the fact that we are so crazy impatient. 

We often say that we wish we could just get a glimpse of what our lives will be like in a year, or 5/10 years from now. 

That is another lesson I am learning-not knowing can be EXCITING. I have to try and convince myself of that daily. But really the thought of being surprised by my Jesus (my Maker, my Husband) is really quite the breathtaking notion. My heart catches in my chest when I think of all of the things that have happened in my life thus far that have all been in preparation for what's GOING to happen. 

All of that being said- 

BE STILL

ENJOY THE SILENCE

GET ALONE WITH JESUS OFTEN! 

He desires to speak to you, and to your heart. He wants to give you glimpses of His plans for your life. More than anything, He wants to constantly remind you of how loved you are. He wants us to trust Him with our all. 

(A) Don't question or doubt His love. He proved it by dying for you.

(B) Don't question or doubt His intentions/plans for your life. Has He not done AMAZING things in your life so far? (The fact that you're breathing ALONE is a miracle.) 

(C) Rest in His love, and allow Him to show you DAILY in every moment how much. 

(D) Be excited about your future with JESUS. He won't ever let you down. Trust in Him. Ask Him for guidance and start moving with expectancy and He WILL use you. 

I love you guys!

Mags

A spirit of heaviness

"to grant to those who mourn in Zion—

    to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

    the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;

that they may be called oaks of righteousness, "
Isaiah 61:3

Isn't it strange...how we give the enemy a foothold in our lives on a pretty constant basis? How we KNOW he's lying to us, but we believe the lies? How we can be having the greatest day with Jesus, and then words of doubt,fear,rejection are whispered into our ears. As a woman it goes straight to my heart, and I just get discouraged. I felt like that last night. I blogged yesterday about letting go of what I thought was best for my life and what I thought God had for my life. I went to church, was SO blessed by the message, worship was SO good, and I got to be with my high schoolers. I can't explain what it was, but less than an hour after the study was over I just hit that wall. The enemy started whispering those not-so-sweet nothings into my ear, and I believed them. I felt like I had swallowed a rock-there was just that gnawing in my stomach. I couldn't slow my thoughts down, and I felt I couldn't control them. I started to hear that lie of "you are NOT enough" and started to believe it. When I got home, I went into my usually scary-at-night-because-it's-so-big backyard, and prayed. I more than prayed I CRIED out to Jesus to take my feelings of insecurity, doubt, and all that goes along with those-and I still felt that weight in my stomach. I spent the next couple of hours trying to pray it away. At about 2:30 this morning I realized that I hadn't given my hurting to Jesus. I WANTED to hang on to my weird-kind-of suffering. I DIDN'T WANT TO RELINQUISH CONTROL OVER WHAT I DID HAVE CONTROL OVER. Literally less than 24 hours ago-I was blogging about the opposite. I'm human I suppose and can't control my emotions, but I definitely have the ability to let go and let God. (Pardon the cheese)  Once I realized why I was still feeling the way I was-I took a deep breath, talked to Jesus, and closed my eyes. I fell asleep and dreamt that I was singing with John Mayer. We did his cover of XO by Beyonce-It was great. But I digress.

WHEN YOU ARE:

REMEMBER TO DO THIS:

Our God is greater, bigger, stronger, and has EVERYTHING in the palm of His hands, and He has since the beginning of time. He understands you sweating the small stuff, but you don't need to. Look to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. 

I love you guys! 

Relinquishing what I never had

I know. I know. It's been a while. I have been so busy at work, and with life, and just not feeling inspired! However, that's what best friends are for. Inspiration! (Thanks Ky & Brit)

How many times have you prayed super specifically for something? How many times have you prayed more for one thing than anything else hoping that it would some how sway the decision that God made for your life (before you were even formed in your mothers womb)? I am sitting in my room typing this with my hand raised. I am oh so guilty.

I have prayed assuming that what I wanted, was what God had. I have prayed assuming that God would (obviously)give me what I want...because I am a spoiled little brat (and most likely, so are you). Now, I've blogged about Letting Go before, but this is a different kind of letting go.

I have also blogged about dodging bullets, and being saved from my own devices. WHICH I HAVE. Like I said-I have prayed specifically, and assuming. I have prayed like I was the decision maker, but the last few years of my life I have come to the opposite conclusion. Every situation that I prayed about that I wasn't absolutely positive was God's will-I am so crazy thankful His answer was No, or Not Now.

Guys I can NOT stress enough how FAITHFUL the Lord has been in my life. CAN NOT. Not only do I have the greatest job (Sure it's retail, sure I have to wear an ugly yellow striped shirt), BUT I LOVE IT. I love my bosses, the people I work with, that I get to work with kids, they take care of me financially, I have medical insurance...the list goes on. I have worked there for (in September) 10 years. That is almost a third of my life. I'm thankful that the Lord didn't have it in the plans for me to get hired, at any of the other places I applied for, right before High School graduation.

I am thankful for all of the turns that He has had me take.
I am thankful for all of the times that He has told me no.
I am thankful for the fact that I have been single for 28 years.
I am thankful that He knows me, and He does NOT withold any good thing.

I would like to leave you on this note:
Trust that the Lord knows what He is doing.
Trust that if it feels like it's taking a long time for a promise to be fulfilled-IT IS GOING TO BE SO WORTH IT. It WILL blow your mind.

"God never witholds from His child that which His love and wisdom
call good. God's refusals are always merciful-- "severe mercies" at times but mercies all the same. God never denies us our hearts desire except to give us something better." -Elisabeth Elliot

I want to be Your hands.

I've been convicted a lot lately, about a few things:
>Thinking before I speak.
>Thinking before I sigh a sigh of discontent.
>Thinking before I vent about anything.
I tend to exaggerate my disbelief in the way I was treated. I can't BELIEVE they would think of me that way, talk to me that way, etcetera. Lately however I have been trying to put back into practice probably the single best piece of advice I have ever received. That is to approach every situation like you don't know what kind of day the person you are dealing with has had. Whenever someone starts giving my patience a run for it's money, I stop....(collaborate and listen), say a quick prayer for the person I am dealing with, for wisdom for myself, take a deep breath, and then do my best to handle the situation while maintaining my example. I feel like it's not just important as believers, but important as HUMANS to treat someone like you would like to be treated. (It is BIBLICAL: Luke 6:31) I have had some major tragedies in my life, and I know for me the people who stuck by my side and prayed,comforted,and held me through that horrible period of time will be etched into my heart for the rest of my life. I also know that the ones who didn't know how to handle the situation or just didn't want to even try, will also stick out in my memories. I do not ever want to be the kind of person who just walks away from someone without trying to be an encouragement in the very least. I want to be etched into the hearts of everyone I meet for being a picture of Jesus, and walking the walk that I claim to. Another thing I have been convicted about is being a fault finder. WHO AM I?! We aren't CALLED to be FAULT finders! That's not even KIND OF in our job description. We are to be FRUIT finders. If it was in our job description? Like we all so often claim to believe it is? We'd be walking around like a bunch of jerks, (which we are...) telling people what they're doing wrong. Instead, shouldn't we be lifting people up? ESPECIALLY those who do not have the hope of heaven/a personal relationship with Jesus. THEY are NOT living for the glory of God (YET!!!!), but for the glorification of themselves. I was just yelling at myself...sorry y'all. Basically, I have been feeling the calling more than EVER on my life to encourage others. I don't want to be the kind of Christian who shakes their head at someone when they've fallen down, and just say a prayer that eventually they would get back up on their feet. I want my hands to be the hands that help them to achieve that..in the name of Jesus, and for His glory.

Letting Go

As of late my heart has been burdened with several things, almost to the point of it being literally heavy in my chest. I have a hard time relaying my feeling about ANYTHING to ANYONE but Jesus & Britney Case. For this very reason, I am positive that that is why Jesus gave her to me. She’s a good listener, and calls me out on my crazy. I never feel judged, but always encouraged, and always re-directed to Jesus, and she’s basically my own personal cheerleader. ANYWAYS! This blog is NOT about Britney; although that day may come eventually! This blog IS about several things-two of them being: Handling your emotions, and making sure you’re giving them to Jesus in every situation. I will start with this new personal challenge that Britney, and I have called ourselves to after reading a blog post somewhere on cyberspace. The challenge: Respond, do not react. I have the HIGHEST tendency to flip my lid when I feel wronged, or when I feel like someone I care about has been. Lately, my conviction of this has been HUGE. I hate making people feel small, I hate it when people make me feel small, and I realized that on occasion I would react completely from a place 100% in my flesh. Working on deep breathing, praying for the person in that moment, and responding with grace, like the grace I have been given-has been my homework. Going back to the starting message of this blog; I have been re-hashing out/ re-learning/ re-remembering to give every burden on my heart over to the Lord. Not only is it the healthiest option for your heart, but for your mind as well. When you aren’t stuck thinking about the same guy, job, situation at work, things going on at home, playing out scenarios over and over again in your head leading you to feeling broken, rejected, disappointed, or just plain sad-your HEART will be in better spirits too. So, in the long run, it may be harder to loosen your grip on whatever is weighing your heart down, and you may even MISS the heaviness, but your joy will be full. Knowing that you’re handing over these things that your worldly self deems “important” over to the Maker of the heavens and earth, the SAVIOR of the world…will hopefully ease the separation anxiety. I was going to end this blog entry here, but the topic of guarding your heart is something else that is heavy on mine. I know I have blogged about dodged bullets, keeping your heart guarded, and endless other dating kind of topics, but it’s not something that I feel we could talk enough about. It’s super important to me. I have been fortunate to have not gotten too seriously hurt in my life time. It’s been a long life looking back, but it has been an EXTREMELY blessed life more so. I do not know how to seriously scratch the surface on how to protect your heart. I think it might go pretty hand in hand with what I was talking about earlier though. When you give the burdens over? Give the heart where the burdens lie over also. I have only asked God to protect my heart one time…I thought it was a Christian cliché and by just having a relationship with Jesus-He would automatically guard my heart. And while He did to an extent, by sparing me from being heartbroken; there is so much more to it than that. Your heart needs to be handed over willingly. Your heart needs to be WRAPPED UP IN AND WITH CHRIST. If He is your first love, your primary focus, your greatest good…Your heart is gonna stay pretty guarded. This is something I myself struggle with, so it will be an ongoing topic-as I grow-I will share! I will keep y’all updated on my progress with the respond/react, and the whole handing over my issues to Jesus thing. I love you guys! Till next time! <3

Thanksgiving: Week 4

I am going to be writing my thankfulness entries for the rest of the month of November, before the month of November is over! I am thankful for so much more than what I have written about, but I don't know if I will ever be able to express all that I am thankful for. Love y'all

The 22nd-
I'm thankful for life experience. I'm thankful that I get to use my experiences as an example of God's faithfulness, grace, provision and guidance. So often people won't listen to the advice that you are trying to give unless you have some first-hand experience that is relevant to what they're going through. So many times, I have had people come into my life, who were going through something so similar to what I had, and I will know in that moment-that THEY are why I went through what I did. I'm thankful for experiences that bless others.

The 23rd-
I am thankful for the selflesness I have seen in my life. Parents, some friends, my pastor. Thankful that there are some people exemplifying Jesus, truly with their lives, because it is their character. Thankful that I have people to look up to.

The 24th-
Thankful for songs that make my heart beat faster, and give me chills. Bands like Band of Horses, The Swell Season, and Tony Lucca, do that for me. I love day dreaming, and I'm really good at it. Songs that ooze mushy love, heartbreak, and forever, make for quite the stellar soundtrack to my day dreams.

The 25th-
(Thankful for my beautiful oldest niece! Today is her 16th Birthday, and I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. Thankful for her life, and thankful that I can see my brother in her face, her sense of humor, and her vast knowledge of music. I love you baby!) Thankful for hope. In the way I have hope for my tomorrows, and forever with Jesus. In the way that my Jesus never breaks His promises, so that I am able to rest in and hope in Him and His Word. Thankful forthe dreams and desires He has put in my heart.

The 26th-
Encouragement. Whether someone tells you they've noticed (any kind of) improvement, any kind of success, or maybe just a really good hair day; It's always a nice thing, and always a welcomed thing. I recently had a meeting with one of my bosses at work, and he said some of the nicest things regarding my work ethic, and their dependency on me. I was blown away, and very thankful for it. I might frame it! I walked out of my meeting with them, feeling so good knowing they appreciate me, and TOLD me how they felt. It made my day. I challenge you to encourage daily. Make it a habit, a part of your routine, a part of your life. Making other people happy? Makes YOU happy in turn. DO IT.

The 27th-
I'm thankful for fall and winter. Two of my favorite things in life are cold weather, and fall colors. While Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, I love how happy people are at Christmas time. I love having to wear sweatshirts and coats, socks and boots, beanies and gloves. There's a feeling of security when you're bundled up. It's my favorite and I'm thankful for it!

The 28th-
Thankful for a good bargain. I absolutely ADORE thrift shopping. I rarely look at the clothing-I'm a sucker for homegoods. Last year's Threshold Christmas decorations for $2?! YES PLEASE!! A brand new Vans sweatshirt for $3?! I'll take it! I love loving the little things. I'm thankful for them.

The 29th-
I'm thankful for the people, who help the people who cannot help themselves. Whether it be those who work with the kids who have been abandoned, or put up for adoption because their parents were young, or couldn't take care of them, or passed away; to the people who work with handicapped adults. The love, the patience, and the care (some, unfortunately not all) that I see, go into the lives of said people, blesses my heart. I hear horror stories of awful care-givers, and it breaks my heart. At work, groups from homes come in almost daily, for field trips. They always want hugs, high fives, hand shakes, or just to be noticed. They have the sweetest hearts. Thankful for the life I have, and thankful for the calling these people hear, and follow.

The 30th-
The last day of my thankful blogs. I'm thankful for thankfulness. Have a heart of gratitude is such a joyful place to be. Thankful for freedom of speech to be able to write what's on my heart. Thankful FOR my heart. Thankful for the life that God has called me to. The fact that the maker of the heavens and earth wrote a plan for MY life. He cares enough about me to plan every part of my life, and He speaks to me. He comforts me, sustains me, sings over me, and loves me more than I could ever comprehend. I am SO thankful for Him!!!

Thanksgiving: Week 3

Week 3-
November 15th-
I am thankful for the people who documented history. The inspired Word of God for one. I am so thankful for the Bible. I am thankful for all of the lessons, all of the blessings, and all of the closeness to God I have accessed in reading His Word. I am thankful for the ability to hear His voice speak so clearly into my life. Thankful for the specificity to the situations I am facing TODAY written so so so long ago. Thankful that He loves us more than enough.

November 16th-
Today we celebrate my sister’s soon to be wedding. I am thankful for the man that she is going to marry, and I am thankful that they get to be an example of a marriage ordained by God to their friends, and family. I am thankful that so many of our friends love them and show so much support to their union. So thankful that God provides, and thankful that they rest in that fact. Thankful that God gives us the desires of our hearts. Thankful that He plans out each and every one of our steps, and holds back NO good thing.

November 17th-
Thankful for prayer. I am so easily distractible when it comes to anything, that I started keeping a prayer journal pretty early on. They’ve actually been spread out on whatever writing material I have in front of me, just recently I have kept them all to one journal. It’s the coolest thing to go back a year, two years, even three years and see God’s hand so present in my life. To see my cries of desperation, and see how He showed Himself faithful. To see my heart hurting, and to see Him healing so mightily. To see my pleas, and how He explained (in time) why the answer was no. I am thankful that prayer is not a one way street. I am thankful that He is ALWAYS faithful to respond.
November 18th-
Thankful for cold weather. In Southern California it’s not exactly a common thing, but when it’s cold? It is COLD. I love this season! The wearing socks to bed, doubling up on the blankets, sleeping in sweatshirts, and closing the windows. Wearing scarves, pea coats and boots….Oh it’s just so wonderful! I love what the cold weather brings with it. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a new year. I am so thankful for the creativity of our Savior.

November 19th-
I am thankful for Love. While I have not been privy to experience a romantic love as of yet, I have experienced love from my family, love from my friends, love from my Jesus. I am thankful that even in the moments when I don’t feel loved, I know that I am. I am thankful that even when I am being unlovable I am loved even still. I am thankful for the love Jesus showed to us so evidently when He took our place on the cross, dying for our sins, so that we could spend ETERNITY with Him. What a Savior…I am so thankful for Him.

November 20th-
I am thankful for blank canvas. Not just my favorite kind of stretched canvas, where I can create whatever picture is in my head. I am thankful for the blank canvas that a new year brings, a new friendship brings, every new day brings. I am thankful that the Lord wiped all of our slates clean when He died for us. I am thankful for the ability to start over.

November 21st-
I am thankful for all of my senses. I hope I never take any of them for granted. I think that is something that we are all prone to do. We take for granted the fact that we can see our favorite places, faces, and sunsets. We take for granted the fact that we can listen to our favorite songs, hear our loved ones voices, hear babies laugh (my favorite sound). We can taste! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! Can you imagine if we couldn’t taste?! What would we do? We would be so missing out. We don’t realize how drastic the life change is/would be if we lost a limb. We see the ways that people use their lives to glorify God when they are either born with the loss (Nick Vujicic) or when it’s thrust upon them in tragedy (Bethany Hamilton). I am prayerful that I would never have to suffer the loss of any of my senses, but I am also prayerful that if I ever do lose any of them- I will use the trial to glorify the Savior who created me.


Thankful for you guys! I pray for every single person who reads my blog. That the Lord would touch your hearts, binding up any wounds you have. That you would understand that He died for YOU, loves YOU, wants to spend forever with YOU. Always available for conversation! <3

Thanksgiving: Week 2

Week 2-

November 8th-
Thankful for family. I am thankful for each and every member. Every get together with them, I realize how perfectly God knit us all together. I’m thankful for the love I feel from all of them. Thankful for the interest they all seem to take. Thankful that they remember the little things about my life. Thankful that my cousin was my best friend growing up, and made me the godmother of her daughter JC. Thankful for the trust that I can place in them.

November 9th-
Thankful for my friends. Tonight, we had a girls night out to celebrate my friend Melissa. We had dinner and went to the movies (and did a little pre-date shopping at Target). I’m thankful for days when we all make the time to just be together. I’m thankful that it NEVER stays silent for long. Someone always has something to say, get off their chest. I’m thankful for those times.

November 10th-
Thankful for my ministry team. Once a month we have a meeting, and tonight was that night. We hang out, pray, eat, and laugh. Tonight we laughed SO MUCH. So much joy comes from being with the people that I am privileged to serve with. The fellowship is always golden, and the accountability that is available to all of us is such a blessing. I love getting to work with the High School kids, and getting to work alongside some of the best people I know is just the icing on the cake.

November 11th-
I’m thankful for good days. Days that start off with Jesus, coffee and croissants with my sister, a really good day at work, dinner with my sister, and end with a little hobby lobby with mom, sister, and her fiancé. Perfect Days. I’m thankful for the ability to be happy. Emotional would probably be one of the words people would use to describe me if they were asked to. I love being happy, and I live for crying happy tears. I’m such a sap. I’m thankful for the ability to be a sappy heart on my sleeve wearer!

November 12th-
I’m writing this on the 13th, because yesterday while I was at work, I got the worst case of the flu I have had in a long time. Before it hit me full-fledged I was privileged enough to work with the Big Brother Big Sisters Organization for the second time this year (with my job). I got to be a part of their after school program where we read them a story, did a craft with them, and gave them one of our soft toys. The looks on these kids’ faces is priceless. Some of them are a little bit socially awkward, and some of them would talk your ear off if they could. It’s easy for some of them to ask for help, and for others you have to offer. But we don’t do it for the Thank You. We do it for the full hearts we know they’re leaving with. The feeling of someone caring about them, who they’ve never met before is something I’m thankful to be a part of.

November 13th-
Today I’m thankful to be feeling better. I’m thankful for my mom stopping and buying me crackers and sprite on her way home from work, for my dad running out and buying my ginger ale as soon as I got home. Thankful for my little brother who today, while I was “in recovery” and my sister and her fiancé went to lunch at Mimi’s, which is his place of employment, sent home with them some soup and sprite for his ailing sister. What a sweetheart! I’m thankful that at 27 years of age my parents still care for me, and about me. Thankful that even though my brother, and I don’t see eye to eye-he loves me tons. I love them for loving me.

November 14th-
I am thankful for the unknown. I am thankful for trials. I am thankful that I can lean on Jesus every step of the way. Thankful that I don’t HAVE to worry about the unknown, and I am thankful that I can grow with every trial placed in front of me. I am one of the people who looks at something while they’re hurting and tries to figure out the lesson that the Lord is teaching me while I’m in it. I try to see the big picture that He is painting (has painted) while I am still in the first few strokes. I want to know! I don’t like surprises! (It’s true…I have known almost every year of my life what my Christmas presents were –because I’m a peeking fool.) I love trusting in Jesus, and resting in His promises and faithfulness. I usually end up yelling at myself to CHILL, and just BE in the moment with Jesus! I don’t have to worry about tomorrow (it may not come) because He holds EVERY single ONE of my tomorrow’s in His hands. I’m thankful that I can trust Jesus with my tomorrow’s.

I have LOVED writing these everyday! I love the accountability Thanksgiving brings to everyone. Most people are only prompted to be thankful (at least publicly) during the month of November. I choose thankfulness ALWAYS!

Thanksgiving : Week 1

I am going to be writing everyday about something that I am thankful for. I tried this last year, and failed miserably. Which is so sad, because it’s so crucial to your heart to be thankful. I feel when you don’t acknowledge the blessings that life has bestowed upon you? Your soul gets a little bit darker. If you aren’t DAILY thanking the Lord for the things that He has given to you-You’re going to forget that He is the One that gave them to you. I’m going to be blogging every Thursday night for the month of November with a recap of my thankful thoughts. I encourage you to do the same! It’s convicting when you are struggling to find things to be thankful for! #ichoosethankfulness

November 1st-
I’m thankful today, for the 21 years 4 months, and 20 days of my life, that I knew my big brother. 11 days after his 30th Birthday, my brother was killed in an accident on a job site. Leaving behind a wife, 3 beautiful girls, my parents, my brother, my sister, and myself heartbroken. My brother and I didn’t always get along, (being 9 years apart kinda begs for annoying little sister syndrome) but he never missed an opportunity to tell me that he loved me, was proud of me, or that I wasn’t meeting the fullness of the potential he knew I could reach. I miss him every.single.day, but I am thankful that I will see him again. Soon and very soon.

November 2nd-
Today I am thankful for my job. I have been at the same job for 9 years. I don’t make a ton of money, but what I lack in incredulous financial gain, the friends I have made, the experiences I’ve had, the light I’ve been able to shine, and the difference I’ve been able to make-have all made up for it. I get to have fun at work almost every day. I never struggle with insecurity, or doubt that I am in the right place. I know I am. I’m confident that I am where God has called me to be. I am thankful for that.

November 3rd-
Today I am thankful for my future. I am thankful that is secure because I trust in Jesus, and He is Lord and Savior of my life. I am thankful that I can REST in HIM safely, and while my flesh constantly encourages, and condones worry-I do not worry about being in the palm of His hand, or about what His plan for my life is. I know it’s perfect, and I know I will experience joy in every chapter ahead of me. He cares for me. I am thankful for that.

November 4th-
I am thankful for grace. I am thankful that at 27 years of age, I am finally learning to understand it. I will never understand WHY God shows ME grace, but I will be thankful for it. I am a huge believer in giving the grace that you expect. I dislike SO STRONGLY when people just write people off as irredeemable. Where would we be if Christ took that approach with us? We’d be dead in every sense of the word. I want to be like Christ that way. I want to encourage people out of that view of themselves. I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t be saved, or that they are hopeless. NO ONE is hopeless. Jesus died so that we could HAVE HOPE. I am thankful for grace.

November 5th-
I am thankful for a fantastic childhood. I am thankful that 99% of my memories are happy ones. I am thankful that I only every experienced LOVE from my family. I am thankful that I enjoyed every minute of being a kid. I was able to do family camps at Calvary’s Twin Peaks Conference Center every year of my life until I was about 19. I am so blessed to be able to call most of my friends from my childhood my friends to this day. I am blessed to look back and only experience a feeling of fondness. I may have had bad days, but ultimately? My life has been filled with SUCH joy. I am thankful for that.

November 6th-
Simple things such as the home I grew up in, I tend to take for granted and forget how imperative they have been to where I am today, and the experiences I’ve been able to have. I am thankful for my home. I am thankful for the years I shared a room with my sister, and thankful for the years, that even when I had my own room, and my brother had his own room-we all slept in the same room on our bunk bed. Thankful that my nieces, and sister in law live in the house next door-making it easy for us to spend time with them.

November 7th-
Thankful for simple pleasures. Naps, Iced Tea (unsweetened), DVR, The ability to download devotional apps, Sleeping with the windows open, cool sheets and warm feet, down comforters, cats that like to cuddle, and toast. I am thankful that I have never been forced to live a life of slavery, or a life of not knowing how I was going to make it. I am thankful that the Lord has been faithful in my life to provide, and that He has blessed me with all of these moments in life that I take for granted every day.


See you guys next Thursday for seven more posts on thankfulness!

Be Still

Last year the lesson that I learned and applied was "be still" as taught in Exodus 14:14, which says:
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."

As of late, I have been hearing those words ringing in my ears, and in my heart. (Not to rip off Penny Lane.)

I'm an avid daydreamer. I imagine scenario after scenario. Life, after life. My days tend to start anxious, and end the same. I am an over-thinker. I am a worrier. I'm super sensitive, and tend to plan my days around the decisions that people in my life make. Which, in turn alters what I think God's plan for my life IS. I base it off of what other people are feeling, their opinions, or to avoid confrontation.

I haven't been feeling myself lately, and I am realizing that, it is due to all of the other voices in my head, that I am allowing to be louder than the Lord's voice.

My heart. My mind. My stomach.

I flashback to all of the times, I was running around like an impatient chicken with my head cut off, and get this GNAWING in the pit of my stomach. Knowing that I wasted God's time, and prolonged the next chapter of my life from starting-makes me sick.

Being anxious never got me anywhere. It's Biblical NOT to be anxious. (Philippians 4:6)// But as I stated I am an over thinker, and tend to blow almost EVERY.THING out of proportion. It's not a fun thing. It's not a wise thing. It's not a healthy habit to entertain, and keep.

"I cast all of my cares upon YOU. I lay all of my burdens, down at Your feet, and anytime I don't know what to do? I will cast all my cares upon You."

Oh, to have faith like a child. To trust in Jesus, with all that you are. To hear His voice, and know that He has your whole life in His hands, and REMEMBER that ALWAYS.

This year. I am once again challenging myself to BE STILL. I am not going to be swayed by the opinions of others. I am not going to chase after plans that other people have. I am not going to build what I think is God's plan for my life, around how others feel. No. I am going to chase after Him, and I am going to rest. I am going to talk His ear off, and I am going to be quiet. I am going to run the race, and I am going to be still.

Faithful

Words: Part Two

Have you ever said something, and then after it leaves your lips-you're left wondering "Where did that come from?"... But sometimes it's exactly what the other party needed to hear? Two words for you... HOLY SPIRIT... often gives us words of encouragement, conviction, knowledge...SO amazing. I've stopped asking (where), and started saying thank You. What a privilege to be a vessel, for the Words of God. AMAZING!!

For the longest time, I thought maybe I was losing my mind, because normally I think before I speak and I would find myself saying things that I didn't remember thinking. Then it hit me, and I started realizing the effect my words were having on the people I was speaking to. It's like on Wednesday nights, before our youth groups meet. All of the counselors meet to pray over our kids, missions, the staff, worship team, etc. So often one of the prayers we find ourselves praying is that our pastor would be emptied of himself, and that he would be full of God, and that every word out of his mouth would be ordained for a particular heart. I LOOOOVE that!! I love the idea of being a messenger for the Lord. Isn't that one of our purposes, while we are on this planet...if not our main purpose? Sharing the good news of Christ? Letting others know how much He loves them? IN recent times, I have been so convicted about who I share the gospel with, how often, where, when. I've made excuse after excuse blaming my lack of furthering His Kingdom on my shy personality, or how evangelism is not "one of my gifts." But, after a study a couple of months ago, I heard by Jack Hibbs; I've felt like my attitude has changed. Who am I to prolong someone's walk with Jesus?

I have the opportunity to share my heart, my experiences, and God's love with everyone, but I let something like an inclination to be crazy nervous all the time dictate that. Jesus died for me, the VERY least I can do-is live for Him, and tell people about Him.

I challenge you to the same heart check. Are you keeping your love for Jesus, close to your chest? Or are you wearing it on your sleeve?

Proverbs 31:25

This verse has been something my heart yearns for. We as women who love the Lord, often desire to be that "Proverbs 31 woman"... It is a LOT to live up to, but it is something that we desperately desire. I have been praying for a long time that the Lord would make me more like her. "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come..." To be strong, to be dignified, and to be so content in where Jesus has me, and to trust the Lord so completely that we can LAUGH at what comes next. Knowing that He has the whole world in His hands, which includes my tiny world...We can relax and enjoy the ride that He has us on.

Words: Part One

"Words can build you up; words can break you down. Start a fire in your heart or, put it out."

Now, I am not going to be the first one to admit to being a Hawk Nelson fan, but I am also not going to be the first one to deny it either. Remember when you liked Simple Plan? Don't lie. That's Hawk Nelson for me. Every now and then it's nice to go back and sing a little diddy about tears soaking through a lonely sweater when I'm feeling nostalgic. BUT! Hawk Nelson is not the main topic of this blog, they are just kinda driving me to write it. When I first heard this song close to a year ago, it hit me like a train. I am NOT one to "be careful little mouth what you say..." It's probably my biggest struggle, and most obvious sign of being a far from perfect human, born into a sin nature. This song haunted me. I thought about it a lot. Mostly the pre-chorus above. Did this song convict me to the point of being a woman with eloquent speech, and completely jerk free? HECK NO...But there IS a heavier conviction than there ever has been before. Have you ever started out having the greatest day and then someone opens their mouth and inserts their foot? COMPLETELY ruining your day? Have you ever checked yourself before you wrecked yourself? Have you taken steps backwards and taken the time to examine yourself, and the way YOU speak to others? We have ALL been the person to throw someone's day off track, and THAT...is a sad statistic. I know that God created us to feel, and He gave us a voice, but His intentions weren't for us to get angry over someone's human errors, and be entirely TOO vocal about how we feel about the situation. We need to stop holding on to pet-peeves so tightly. I find myself saying "Something that I can't stand" or "Just gets under my skin..." WAY too often. I have been told that one of my spiritual gifts is Patience. I am good with kids, and I think that's where my gift of patience dies. If we're being super honest and vulnerable, here. The Lord created us to glorify Him, make His name known, and show as many people as we can the love of God. SOOOO is getting irked with someone at work showing them the love of God? Is it being a good example of how Christ would treat them in that situation? Is getting in an argument with someone in my family, and muttering under my breath some snarky statement glorifying Him? Aren't we supposed to be lights in this already CRAZY dark world? Aren't we supposed to be constant examples of Him, to His lost children? Or even the body of Christ that we sit with at church, or serve with in the youth ministry? We are ALL human, and fall short of the glory of God, so we WILL stumble, and we WILL fall..most likely all over ourselves while we are being jerks..(Romans 3:23). It is my challenge as of late to conduct myself in a manner that is WHOLLY PLEASING to the Lord, or at least to try to. I will let you know how it goes. I'm going to try to talk to Jesus more, journal more, and learn some breathing exercises.


This is part one of my "Words" series of blogs. Stay tuned!

Getting over myself

My heart has been heavy. Like, on overload-about to break through my chest-heavy.
I have trusted the Lord with every emotion, every hurt-feeling, every fear, every dream and every doubt; but I haven’t laid them down. Like a comfort blanket I stay wrapped up in my miseries, and feel sorry for myself.

I’m reminded of Job, and how he wallowed in his trials (still trusting the Lord, but having doubts). Then in my favorite chapter of the Bible Job 38 when God comes at Job with all His glory out of the whirlwind…

A few of my favorites.

(V.4) “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.”
(V.12-13) “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know it’s place, that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?”
(V.24) “What is the way to the place where the light is distributed, or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?”

It’s like SHUT UP MAGDALENE BARBARA!
Talk about humbling.

I sometimes feel like “Well, God already knows how I’m feeling. I don’t need to talk to Him about it.”
Then my favorite song (in the entire world) starts playing in my ears.
I will wait for you there by Phil Wickham
It’s really the only song that represents how I feel most of the time. I’m taken to and reminded of the place where God was biggest in my life. Where He met me where I was at.


Did He leave me? No.
Did He forsake me? No.
Did I make it through every fire, dark place, and empty feeling? YES.

I might have come out of those fires with some burns, I might have come out of those dark times having to wait until my eyes adjusted, but I have never felt more whole after Jesus made Himself so real and evident during those empty times.

When I place my hope, emotions, tomorrows or anything in any human/friendship/relationship? I am setting myself up for disappointment. MAN FAILS US. It’s not fair to me OR to them to hold them to a divine/Only God will never fail me standard.

“Don’t place your happiness in something you can lose.” C.S. Lewis

Learning:

Trust Jesus
Let go of my burdens
Man disappoints
He is ALWAYS faithful to hold my hand as I walk this life with Him.

And here's the song I was talking about: