Thanksgiving : Week 1

I am going to be writing everyday about something that I am thankful for. I tried this last year, and failed miserably. Which is so sad, because it’s so crucial to your heart to be thankful. I feel when you don’t acknowledge the blessings that life has bestowed upon you? Your soul gets a little bit darker. If you aren’t DAILY thanking the Lord for the things that He has given to you-You’re going to forget that He is the One that gave them to you. I’m going to be blogging every Thursday night for the month of November with a recap of my thankful thoughts. I encourage you to do the same! It’s convicting when you are struggling to find things to be thankful for! #ichoosethankfulness

November 1st-
I’m thankful today, for the 21 years 4 months, and 20 days of my life, that I knew my big brother. 11 days after his 30th Birthday, my brother was killed in an accident on a job site. Leaving behind a wife, 3 beautiful girls, my parents, my brother, my sister, and myself heartbroken. My brother and I didn’t always get along, (being 9 years apart kinda begs for annoying little sister syndrome) but he never missed an opportunity to tell me that he loved me, was proud of me, or that I wasn’t meeting the fullness of the potential he knew I could reach. I miss him every.single.day, but I am thankful that I will see him again. Soon and very soon.

November 2nd-
Today I am thankful for my job. I have been at the same job for 9 years. I don’t make a ton of money, but what I lack in incredulous financial gain, the friends I have made, the experiences I’ve had, the light I’ve been able to shine, and the difference I’ve been able to make-have all made up for it. I get to have fun at work almost every day. I never struggle with insecurity, or doubt that I am in the right place. I know I am. I’m confident that I am where God has called me to be. I am thankful for that.

November 3rd-
Today I am thankful for my future. I am thankful that is secure because I trust in Jesus, and He is Lord and Savior of my life. I am thankful that I can REST in HIM safely, and while my flesh constantly encourages, and condones worry-I do not worry about being in the palm of His hand, or about what His plan for my life is. I know it’s perfect, and I know I will experience joy in every chapter ahead of me. He cares for me. I am thankful for that.

November 4th-
I am thankful for grace. I am thankful that at 27 years of age, I am finally learning to understand it. I will never understand WHY God shows ME grace, but I will be thankful for it. I am a huge believer in giving the grace that you expect. I dislike SO STRONGLY when people just write people off as irredeemable. Where would we be if Christ took that approach with us? We’d be dead in every sense of the word. I want to be like Christ that way. I want to encourage people out of that view of themselves. I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t be saved, or that they are hopeless. NO ONE is hopeless. Jesus died so that we could HAVE HOPE. I am thankful for grace.

November 5th-
I am thankful for a fantastic childhood. I am thankful that 99% of my memories are happy ones. I am thankful that I only every experienced LOVE from my family. I am thankful that I enjoyed every minute of being a kid. I was able to do family camps at Calvary’s Twin Peaks Conference Center every year of my life until I was about 19. I am so blessed to be able to call most of my friends from my childhood my friends to this day. I am blessed to look back and only experience a feeling of fondness. I may have had bad days, but ultimately? My life has been filled with SUCH joy. I am thankful for that.

November 6th-
Simple things such as the home I grew up in, I tend to take for granted and forget how imperative they have been to where I am today, and the experiences I’ve been able to have. I am thankful for my home. I am thankful for the years I shared a room with my sister, and thankful for the years, that even when I had my own room, and my brother had his own room-we all slept in the same room on our bunk bed. Thankful that my nieces, and sister in law live in the house next door-making it easy for us to spend time with them.

November 7th-
Thankful for simple pleasures. Naps, Iced Tea (unsweetened), DVR, The ability to download devotional apps, Sleeping with the windows open, cool sheets and warm feet, down comforters, cats that like to cuddle, and toast. I am thankful that I have never been forced to live a life of slavery, or a life of not knowing how I was going to make it. I am thankful that the Lord has been faithful in my life to provide, and that He has blessed me with all of these moments in life that I take for granted every day.


See you guys next Thursday for seven more posts on thankfulness!

Be Still

Last year the lesson that I learned and applied was "be still" as taught in Exodus 14:14, which says:
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."

As of late, I have been hearing those words ringing in my ears, and in my heart. (Not to rip off Penny Lane.)

I'm an avid daydreamer. I imagine scenario after scenario. Life, after life. My days tend to start anxious, and end the same. I am an over-thinker. I am a worrier. I'm super sensitive, and tend to plan my days around the decisions that people in my life make. Which, in turn alters what I think God's plan for my life IS. I base it off of what other people are feeling, their opinions, or to avoid confrontation.

I haven't been feeling myself lately, and I am realizing that, it is due to all of the other voices in my head, that I am allowing to be louder than the Lord's voice.

My heart. My mind. My stomach.

I flashback to all of the times, I was running around like an impatient chicken with my head cut off, and get this GNAWING in the pit of my stomach. Knowing that I wasted God's time, and prolonged the next chapter of my life from starting-makes me sick.

Being anxious never got me anywhere. It's Biblical NOT to be anxious. (Philippians 4:6)// But as I stated I am an over thinker, and tend to blow almost EVERY.THING out of proportion. It's not a fun thing. It's not a wise thing. It's not a healthy habit to entertain, and keep.

"I cast all of my cares upon YOU. I lay all of my burdens, down at Your feet, and anytime I don't know what to do? I will cast all my cares upon You."

Oh, to have faith like a child. To trust in Jesus, with all that you are. To hear His voice, and know that He has your whole life in His hands, and REMEMBER that ALWAYS.

This year. I am once again challenging myself to BE STILL. I am not going to be swayed by the opinions of others. I am not going to chase after plans that other people have. I am not going to build what I think is God's plan for my life, around how others feel. No. I am going to chase after Him, and I am going to rest. I am going to talk His ear off, and I am going to be quiet. I am going to run the race, and I am going to be still.

Faithful

Words: Part Two

Have you ever said something, and then after it leaves your lips-you're left wondering "Where did that come from?"... But sometimes it's exactly what the other party needed to hear? Two words for you... HOLY SPIRIT... often gives us words of encouragement, conviction, knowledge...SO amazing. I've stopped asking (where), and started saying thank You. What a privilege to be a vessel, for the Words of God. AMAZING!!

For the longest time, I thought maybe I was losing my mind, because normally I think before I speak and I would find myself saying things that I didn't remember thinking. Then it hit me, and I started realizing the effect my words were having on the people I was speaking to. It's like on Wednesday nights, before our youth groups meet. All of the counselors meet to pray over our kids, missions, the staff, worship team, etc. So often one of the prayers we find ourselves praying is that our pastor would be emptied of himself, and that he would be full of God, and that every word out of his mouth would be ordained for a particular heart. I LOOOOVE that!! I love the idea of being a messenger for the Lord. Isn't that one of our purposes, while we are on this planet...if not our main purpose? Sharing the good news of Christ? Letting others know how much He loves them? IN recent times, I have been so convicted about who I share the gospel with, how often, where, when. I've made excuse after excuse blaming my lack of furthering His Kingdom on my shy personality, or how evangelism is not "one of my gifts." But, after a study a couple of months ago, I heard by Jack Hibbs; I've felt like my attitude has changed. Who am I to prolong someone's walk with Jesus?

I have the opportunity to share my heart, my experiences, and God's love with everyone, but I let something like an inclination to be crazy nervous all the time dictate that. Jesus died for me, the VERY least I can do-is live for Him, and tell people about Him.

I challenge you to the same heart check. Are you keeping your love for Jesus, close to your chest? Or are you wearing it on your sleeve?

Proverbs 31:25

This verse has been something my heart yearns for. We as women who love the Lord, often desire to be that "Proverbs 31 woman"... It is a LOT to live up to, but it is something that we desperately desire. I have been praying for a long time that the Lord would make me more like her. "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come..." To be strong, to be dignified, and to be so content in where Jesus has me, and to trust the Lord so completely that we can LAUGH at what comes next. Knowing that He has the whole world in His hands, which includes my tiny world...We can relax and enjoy the ride that He has us on.

Words: Part One

"Words can build you up; words can break you down. Start a fire in your heart or, put it out."

Now, I am not going to be the first one to admit to being a Hawk Nelson fan, but I am also not going to be the first one to deny it either. Remember when you liked Simple Plan? Don't lie. That's Hawk Nelson for me. Every now and then it's nice to go back and sing a little diddy about tears soaking through a lonely sweater when I'm feeling nostalgic. BUT! Hawk Nelson is not the main topic of this blog, they are just kinda driving me to write it. When I first heard this song close to a year ago, it hit me like a train. I am NOT one to "be careful little mouth what you say..." It's probably my biggest struggle, and most obvious sign of being a far from perfect human, born into a sin nature. This song haunted me. I thought about it a lot. Mostly the pre-chorus above. Did this song convict me to the point of being a woman with eloquent speech, and completely jerk free? HECK NO...But there IS a heavier conviction than there ever has been before. Have you ever started out having the greatest day and then someone opens their mouth and inserts their foot? COMPLETELY ruining your day? Have you ever checked yourself before you wrecked yourself? Have you taken steps backwards and taken the time to examine yourself, and the way YOU speak to others? We have ALL been the person to throw someone's day off track, and THAT...is a sad statistic. I know that God created us to feel, and He gave us a voice, but His intentions weren't for us to get angry over someone's human errors, and be entirely TOO vocal about how we feel about the situation. We need to stop holding on to pet-peeves so tightly. I find myself saying "Something that I can't stand" or "Just gets under my skin..." WAY too often. I have been told that one of my spiritual gifts is Patience. I am good with kids, and I think that's where my gift of patience dies. If we're being super honest and vulnerable, here. The Lord created us to glorify Him, make His name known, and show as many people as we can the love of God. SOOOO is getting irked with someone at work showing them the love of God? Is it being a good example of how Christ would treat them in that situation? Is getting in an argument with someone in my family, and muttering under my breath some snarky statement glorifying Him? Aren't we supposed to be lights in this already CRAZY dark world? Aren't we supposed to be constant examples of Him, to His lost children? Or even the body of Christ that we sit with at church, or serve with in the youth ministry? We are ALL human, and fall short of the glory of God, so we WILL stumble, and we WILL fall..most likely all over ourselves while we are being jerks..(Romans 3:23). It is my challenge as of late to conduct myself in a manner that is WHOLLY PLEASING to the Lord, or at least to try to. I will let you know how it goes. I'm going to try to talk to Jesus more, journal more, and learn some breathing exercises.


This is part one of my "Words" series of blogs. Stay tuned!

Getting over myself

My heart has been heavy. Like, on overload-about to break through my chest-heavy.
I have trusted the Lord with every emotion, every hurt-feeling, every fear, every dream and every doubt; but I haven’t laid them down. Like a comfort blanket I stay wrapped up in my miseries, and feel sorry for myself.

I’m reminded of Job, and how he wallowed in his trials (still trusting the Lord, but having doubts). Then in my favorite chapter of the Bible Job 38 when God comes at Job with all His glory out of the whirlwind…

A few of my favorites.

(V.4) “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.”
(V.12-13) “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know it’s place, that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?”
(V.24) “What is the way to the place where the light is distributed, or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?”

It’s like SHUT UP MAGDALENE BARBARA!
Talk about humbling.

I sometimes feel like “Well, God already knows how I’m feeling. I don’t need to talk to Him about it.”
Then my favorite song (in the entire world) starts playing in my ears.
I will wait for you there by Phil Wickham
It’s really the only song that represents how I feel most of the time. I’m taken to and reminded of the place where God was biggest in my life. Where He met me where I was at.


Did He leave me? No.
Did He forsake me? No.
Did I make it through every fire, dark place, and empty feeling? YES.

I might have come out of those fires with some burns, I might have come out of those dark times having to wait until my eyes adjusted, but I have never felt more whole after Jesus made Himself so real and evident during those empty times.

When I place my hope, emotions, tomorrows or anything in any human/friendship/relationship? I am setting myself up for disappointment. MAN FAILS US. It’s not fair to me OR to them to hold them to a divine/Only God will never fail me standard.

“Don’t place your happiness in something you can lose.” C.S. Lewis

Learning:

Trust Jesus
Let go of my burdens
Man disappoints
He is ALWAYS faithful to hold my hand as I walk this life with Him.

And here's the song I was talking about: