Awake.

For every dream I've had? I've been let down.
For every moment of disappointment, a moment of joy.
I've been through heart break, and I've been made whole.
I've gripped onto worry, and I've been full of confidence.
My life in Jesus, has been learning and constantly needing to be reminded that our lives walking with Him will be full of various trials. They wil also be full of rejoicing, peace, and the hope of eternity with Him. Trusting Him, will be (and has been in my life) the best decision that you can make. It will bring mountains,valleys and shadows, but how much scarier would those times be without the hope of Jesus? How much darker would those shadows be if we DIDN'T have that hope of eternity with Him?

Food for thought.

Writer's block

I am not a writer by profession. I am nothing "by profession", but I have always loved writing. I love writing short stories, letters, and eventually I would like to write a novel, and a life story. However,I started writing 2 hours ago, and was so distracted by social media, The Voice on the TV, and my own thoughts-that I just got the previous 3 sentences out. I am an over-thinker and so often that leads to writers block. I'm not able to organize my thoughts, I never have been. And so often, that leads to my inability to get my point across, or to even remember what my point WAS/IS. I can say comfortably that I have writers block almost EVERY time I sit down to write. Is it that I am just an unorganized person or is it spiritual warfare? Is it that the Lord wants to use my words (maybe eventually...)and I am allowing myself to be distracted, and maybe losing out on what I could've said by not tuning everything else out? I haven't ever thought in depth about WHY I have such a hard time saying what I want/need to say, until I got the suggestion from Britney to WRITE about my writers block. While I am waiting for the words to come to me, I do rough outlines of word vomit (for lack of a better term...). The past blogs I've written I wrote out at work while I didn't have any specific tasks to do, and then when I get home I edit and I add to it when I type it out. Because hopefully by then my thoughts will have clumped together. I also pray before I write. I ask the Lord what He wants me to say, and I wait. Before I start writing (while I'm waiting..), on top of not being sure about what I am GOING to write about-I tend to struggle with patience, fear, fear of rejection, pride and fear of rejection due to transparency. Sometimes when I write, I write like I'm journaling, and I don't necessarily think about who may read my words. Sometimes though I do, and that fear strikes my heart and I speak with hesitance. I don't want to say something and immediately regret it. I don't want to feel judged! All that I know is that the Lord spoke through friends to my heart, and told me to start a blog. SO start a blog I did, and I am thankful for the 1,2, maybe 3 people that read/have read this blog. I pray that my words show effectiveness at some point and please let me know if they do! Goodnight! And have a pleasant tomorrow!!

A few thoughts on singleness

I might be beating a dead horse here, but let's talk about being single shall we? It's all I have ever known, as in at (almost)27 years old I have never been in a relationship. (Read all about those almosts here)   I'm super happy with my life (most of the time), but I'm also completely aware of that missing piece. I'm not going to act like I constantly LOVE being single. I'm not going to act like I'm always unhappy about it either though. My friends and I have this conversation pretty on the regular. What would've been different if any of us had ever been in relationships? (I'm 1/5 of my close friends that are single and always have been). We step back and we look at our lives for the last several years, and know why we have been single. We have been able to use our stories to encourage one another, we've gone on road trips, we've stayed out late, we've had sleepovers, we've counseled girls who feel alone,rejected. We're able to relate to them on a completely relevant basis due to the fact that we are STILL in the same position that they are, only we have decades more experience. I am counting down the days (without an end date), until I get to share the story of God's faithfulness. How He used my time being single for His glory, whether it was encouraging others in their singleness, or by sharing my story-reminding others of His promises to BE faithful. I don't want to waste this time just sitting around waiting for my husband. I want to (and try to) prepare myself for him. I want to be as close to a Proverbs 31 woman I can get before I walk into his life. I had THAT conversation the other night as well. How I need to be thinking realistically about the man I am going to marry. It's easy to plan your life and have your husband to be fit into that (in your head), but we forget to budget into our dreams that he may already have a life! He may have a super busy career, and he might have dreams and plans of his own. We REALLY shouldn't be setting up our lives to the point where we don't leave room for the future man of our lives dreams as well. Not saying that you shouldn't dream, but you shouldn't be selfish in your dreaming. Don't neglect your dreams, and lower your standards for yourself, but be open minded to his standards and his dreams. I was talking to a couple of my friends about standards. About how we shouldn't lower them, about how it's important to understand and remember our worth and what we deserve; How we should dream big but not expect him to be the drummer in one of our favorite bands. Expectations. ANOTHER thing to bring up. I am not the biggest fan of the quote "If you go in with no expectations, you won't be disappointed..." I think that is true in some aspects, but if you walk around NOT expecting God to do the greatest things in your life? You're gonna get depressed. DREAM BIG. Hope and Pray with expectancy. God's going to do exactly what's best for you. I know it's easy to be disappointed when things don't go exactly your way, but being able to move on, let go, and remember that you're only seeing ->thismuch<- of the picture is going to strengthen your heart. I'm speaking from experience when I say that it SUCKS feeling like you're never going to be loved, but my friends...you are loved. You're loved by the ONE WHO MADE YOU! How is that NOT blowing your minds!!! Romantic love is a bonus, and it was created by God FOR us, but let's not let that distract us away from who should be our FIRST love. The One who gave it ALL, and would do it again if you were the only one. He cares about every single part of you, and that should be enough for us, but due to our sin nature it isn't. We always want more, and we want it now. He's waiting to spend time with you. He'll never forget to text you back, He'll never stand you up. He's constant, He's always available, and He loves you MORE.