I love you, Mags.

One of my two journals is a prayer journal, where I talk to Jesus (like I'm talking to a friend), and my other journal is where I write letters to my future husband. So that he can know what was going on in my life and what specific prayers I prayed, etc. Tonight I was writing in my prayer journal, and I realized I end my prayers the same way I end them in my "To whom it may concern..." Journal. I write: "I love you, Mags." I know that most people wouldn't find that hugely special, but it struck a hugely special cord in my heart tonight. When I was 13 years old I told Jesus that one day I wanted to get married and I wanted to have someone be as in love with me as I was going to be with them. The Lord almost audibly told me that I was going to marry the first guy I dated. I took that to heart, and I took it very seriously. However it made being a teenage girl a little bit uneasy. I would start liking someone and then analyze them inside and out for marriage potential traits. At the time there weren't a whole lot of 13 year old boys I saw myself with for the rest of my life ( At the time Justin Timberlake was the only guy for me...) Growing up with the promise that God gave me was challenging. As I got older and started liking guys more and more, I started getting disappointed when either they'd date someone else and marry them, or The Lord told me no. It doesn't get easier the longer you walk with the Lord, to hear Him tell you no to something (or someone) you really wanted. I've been walking strongly with The Lord for 13 years now and speak fluent Christianese. I know that some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers and all that jazz, but I'm still a woman who wants to fall in love and have someone fall in love with her. I'm 26 and still waiting to date the man that The Lord would have me I marry. Looking back I see all of the bullets that The Lord has caused me to dodge. I am so very thankful. Back in the beginning of this post I was talking about my prayer journal and the hugely special significance. Jesus reminded me tonight that HE is my husband. HE is in love with me. I needed that reminder tonight. Nobody can take His place. It's a different kind of love, a special kind of love. I love my Jesus and I can't wait to see what He's got for me in the next 13 years.

What I've been hearing...

Lately I've been drawing as close to Jesus as I can... I want to feel what He feels for His children. I know I won't ever realistically be able to love them as He does, but I want to try. I want to try to be a picture of His love in my life. I have been listening as closely to the words that He's been putting on my heart, and these are the things He has been speaking into my life...



I am trying SO hard to abide by these things... And I have been noticing a difference in my thoughts, in the way my heart handles things... Life is good with Jesus <3

This year's heart lessons.

It's not about me

It's all temporary

Pray about it

Pray about it MORE than you talk about it

Lean not on my own understanding

Accept God's no the first time

Give the sympathy that you would expect

Cherish your friendships

Don't take anything personally

Keep your eyes open for people that are hurting...You could be an answer to prayer.

Forbidden love is forbidden for a reason...Leave it alone.

Be the friend you would like to have

Don't take anything for granted

Rise above it

Always love.

Answers

I've seen a lot of people searching lately. Searching for jobs, love, hope, their identity, peace, joy, comfort, clarity...Answers. Myself being one of the "people" looking for a few of the above. I know the answer is always Jesus. Sometimes though my heart and my flesh fail,(Psalm 73:26) and I will lose sight of Him, and seek answers elsewhere. Often times when I pray about something and the Lord's answer is "Wait", I will get impatient, or if I'm not listening close enough for His whispers, His still small voice, I listen to someone else's voice...Sometimes it's my own. I'll seek a quick fix. I'll talk to someone who I know will have the right words to say, (for a temporary "peace"), or I'll just assume I know what's best for me, and answer my own questions with the results I want to hear. I've invented loop holes, I've tried to prolong the inevitable, but in the end, the Lord's will be done. I can always "return to my vomit." But by going that route, I'm not only wasting my time, (and most likely someone else's) but I'm also taking the long way, and being disobedient to God's will...or rather ignoring it. In 1st Kings 18:37- we read Elijah's public prayer of great faith and confidence that God will answer him. In the same breath that I 'm telling people to trust the Lord, and that having faith in Him, is SO crucial to remaining not only sane but also to keeping our hearts in one piece. I can be anxious, not remembering to trust Him, (Luke 12:22-34)and falling apart at the seams. If we remain close to Him, press into Him, seek Him, hear Him... He'll guard our hearts, He'll answer you...

Round One.

Alright well.... To whom it may concern,my so-close-to-my-heart friend Britney has been hounding me to start a blog for forever. I've tried and failed twice. I kept one up for a long while, but the posts were relatively juvenile. My purpose behind this blog is to share my heart. Transparency is something I'm terrified of, but treasure with so much of who I am. I truly LIVE for going deeper with people. On some fronts and in some situations it's harder for me due to history, or to feelings. I hate confrontation, but understand its necessity. I like being completely honest with people, but there are times when you already know (or think you know) what the other party is going to say, so you bottle it up and you put it under pressure until you either stop trying to solve the issue at hand, or explode. I'm super sensitive, and super emotional. I am a stereotypical girl, only EVERYTHING makes me cry... Boy bands, dance groups, almost EVERY commercial has the potential to open the flood gates. Which (all of that being said...) is why I have a hard time with the whole "let's talk about what happened..." or the "You made me feel THIS way.." thing. BUT! Hopefully this blog is not about me. I want to share what the Lord speaks to my heart, and what I've gone through/am going through in my walk with Him. My end goal is to encourage. Simply, and maybe not so simply. I'd like for there to be open dialogue, and I want to be available for you to just vent...or to get prayer...or to ask questions. I'm an emotional investor, and strive to be a good friend. Not meaning to be cliche but my door is ALWAYS open, and I look forward to befriending you in every social media format! XOXO, Magdalene Barbara